From Scratch.
Well, here we are.
Four years ago I made the decision to stop sharing life with the masses and hang up my Pro-blogger status. It's been four years and almost everything has changed. And of those months I've spent the last 90 days anxiously pacing around my computer talking to myself in nonsensical gibberish, giving myself pep-talks and smacking myself in the ass like some football coach who has too much to lose and his team is down by 50 points, and he snorted too much cocaine so he's just running around yelling at everyone and smacking them in the ass. And through this momentary cycle of insanity I questioned if I should, or could even could start again. At 7 pm tonight I finally jumped of the cliff of virtual insecurity and uncertainty and came back to my old stomping grounds.
If you ask my why I gave it all up, everything I had worked for, the money and time I had invested, there are no simple answers. Even I have spent the last 48 months pondering the answers. I grew and grew as a blogger, I had a web designer on speed-dial, and companies emailing me wanting to work with me, but at the end of the day I was completely empty. I guess I just wanted to know what the point was because it all seemed so fucking pointless at the very end.
The realness of my posts stopped and became automated. A post "just to post" and get something out there so I wouldn't lose views and social status. Some people will say "no way Ash, that wasn't you", but trust me darlings, it most definitely was. I'm the slickest motherfucking chameleon you will ever meet. Things unraveled fast- and one day after years and years of blogging and sharing my life publicly....
Now here I am sitting in front of a computer bra-less, typing, bouncing in my chair with the giddy enthusiasm of a freshly crowned prom queen about to lose her virginity on prom night, eating Tim Tams even though I know they will go straight to my already-fat-ass. It's not pretty but its real. After all, this is how my former brand started. A confused and overwhelmed girl with a passion for raw honesty, who put her voice into written word and shared her ridiculously dramatic life with others.
I'm so excited for this that there are no words to describe it. If you put your washing machine on spin cycle and sat on top, while eating Tim Tams braless, then that might just make you feel as excited as I am. I'm not saying you should do this, I'm just trying to give a example. I mean, you truly haven't lived unless you've tried the spin cycle thing at least once in your life.
So I'm back where it all started. A free website, with a free template, and a cat picture I don't know how to replace under my header. I've named the cat Mr. Smoochykins, you should say hello and get to know him because I'm rusty as fuck with my coding and html, and I no longer have a web designer on speed dial.
I have a lot to catch you up on. Spoiler Alert: I still don't know why I am here on this earth. I still don't understand most complexities in life. All I know is that I'm starting from scratch,
Four years ago I made the decision to stop sharing life with the masses and hang up my Pro-blogger status. It's been four years and almost everything has changed. And of those months I've spent the last 90 days anxiously pacing around my computer talking to myself in nonsensical gibberish, giving myself pep-talks and smacking myself in the ass like some football coach who has too much to lose and his team is down by 50 points, and he snorted too much cocaine so he's just running around yelling at everyone and smacking them in the ass. And through this momentary cycle of insanity I questioned if I should, or could even could start again. At 7 pm tonight I finally jumped of the cliff of virtual insecurity and uncertainty and came back to my old stomping grounds.
If you ask my why I gave it all up, everything I had worked for, the money and time I had invested, there are no simple answers. Even I have spent the last 48 months pondering the answers. I grew and grew as a blogger, I had a web designer on speed-dial, and companies emailing me wanting to work with me, but at the end of the day I was completely empty. I guess I just wanted to know what the point was because it all seemed so fucking pointless at the very end.
The realness of my posts stopped and became automated. A post "just to post" and get something out there so I wouldn't lose views and social status. Some people will say "no way Ash, that wasn't you", but trust me darlings, it most definitely was. I'm the slickest motherfucking chameleon you will ever meet. Things unraveled fast- and one day after years and years of blogging and sharing my life publicly....
I just stopped
and
never looked back.
I believe the term for that these days is called being ghosted. One day I was all up in your business shoving my life in your face and the next day I was gone. A virtual break-up of sorts.
Now here I am sitting in front of a computer bra-less, typing, bouncing in my chair with the giddy enthusiasm of a freshly crowned prom queen about to lose her virginity on prom night, eating Tim Tams even though I know they will go straight to my already-fat-ass. It's not pretty but its real. After all, this is how my former brand started. A confused and overwhelmed girl with a passion for raw honesty, who put her voice into written word and shared her ridiculously dramatic life with others.
I'm so excited for this that there are no words to describe it. If you put your washing machine on spin cycle and sat on top, while eating Tim Tams braless, then that might just make you feel as excited as I am. I'm not saying you should do this, I'm just trying to give a example. I mean, you truly haven't lived unless you've tried the spin cycle thing at least once in your life.
So I'm back where it all started. A free website, with a free template, and a cat picture I don't know how to replace under my header. I've named the cat Mr. Smoochykins, you should say hello and get to know him because I'm rusty as fuck with my coding and html, and I no longer have a web designer on speed dial.
I have a lot to catch you up on. Spoiler Alert: I still don't know why I am here on this earth. I still don't understand most complexities in life. All I know is that I'm starting from scratch,
and it is just so fucking good to be back.
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